My name is Jayne and I am 43 years old.
In July 2007 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 34. I had a dimple under my breast.
I couldn’t feel a lump and it didn’t look like anything.
The surgeon did an ultrasound and found a lump straight away.
I was absolutely stunned and I was unsure about my future – was I going to die soon?
My daughter Amelia was nearly 2 years old, my fears were for her and my husband, Brad.
I had always imagined I’d have a big family. I didn’t want Amelia to be an only child. So I knew I had to get through my treatment so I could get better and have another baby.
I’d had lots of chemo so they didn’t think I could get pregnant. I was relieved and so happy to have Ben. Amelia had a sibling and they had each other.
My surgeon said the risk of the cancer coming back was really low.
It was a false sense of security.
Five years passed and I began to have pain in my back and I had a bad cough so I went to the GP. He asked me to have a chest x-ray.
I will always remember that call.
My GP phoned me and said she had the results. They could see something on my lungs but they weren’t sure what it was.
I was stunned. I put the phone down and rang Brad. He rang the GP himself because he needed to hear it from her.
The CT results came back and I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer which was now in my lungs, liver, lymph nodes and bones.
I was absolutely sure that this was it…I would die within a few months. My two children were going to lose their mother.
I try to be quite honest with the kids. They know I’ve got cancer and that I have lots of doctor’s appointments and scans.
I try not to dwell on the rough times. But the reality is my kids are going to grow up without their mum.
I’m not going to be around for 21sts, weddings or grandchildren.
Dads are great but they’re not mum. You can’t replace your mum.
I’m worried more for Amelia. We won’t have the mother-daughter chats. She won’t have me to talk to about boy problems.
I try to make a good effort with things.
I don’t want them to worry about what the future holds.
It’s easier to focus on now rather than the future because you never know what could happen.
Amelia once said ‘when I’m at university, I’m going to live at home with you.’ But that won’t happen. It breaks my heart.
Sometimes I feel so sick from the nausea and vomiting that I think I can’t do this anymore. Having no energy and not being able to move sucks the life out of you.
You get so depressed from not being able to keep anything down and ending up in hospital.
I worry for Brad. He’s going to be a widower. He’ll have two kids and be alone. It’ll be tough and lonely for him.
I share this story with you because Sweet Louise has been my support, especially during the tough times.
That’s why I wanted to write and say please support Sweet Louise – for people like me they are a blessing.
Thank you for reading my story.Your support will help Members like Jayne living with incurable breast cancer